What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.
A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence. You can’t always protect breakable things. Hearts and eggs will break but you keep going anyway, because science is asking questions and living is not being afraid of the answer. Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin. When you begin to relinquish your ego, you will no longer feel compelled to prove to people how busy you are in an attempt to validate your sense of worth.
When someone asks a question, don’t assume they don’t think they know the answer. Clever people will always test you. Seeking external validation brings disappointment. Validate yourself from within to find true happiness. Belief in yourself is more important than endless worries of what others think of you. Value yourself and others will value you. Validation is best that comes from within. To need to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, is simply to be human. People will rather appreciate a man who wears one suit out of the several he has got and refuse to validate the man who has put only suit he has into shape and has worn it on his back.
The perfect relationship is defined by you. It’s not defined by what you read or the unrealistic expectations people give to validate themselves. In the same way that one really has to accept the weather, one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes, “Today is a really crap day,” is a perfectly realistic approach. It’s all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. “Hey-ho, it’s raining inside; it isn’t my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow, and when it does I shall take full advantage. Some people need significance more than they need another person. Change will only happen in a relationship when you realize it is not the person, but the “emotion” you desire.
Life is fundamentally a mental state. We live in a dream world that we create. Whose life is truer, the rational man of action pursuing practical goals of personal happiness and wealth or the philosophic man who lives in a world of theoretical and metaphysical ideas? We ascribe the value quotient to our lives by making decisions that we score as either valid or invalid based upon our personal ethics and how we think and behave. Having needs is not evidence of weakness – it is human. If you have to chase, beg, or plot for love….It will run away at the next “best” offer. An amazing thing happens when you stop seeking approval and validation: You find it.
At the core of love is validation. It is what gives love power. For when love is given away, validation seeps in and expands in the heart of the recipient, filling up every empty, dark corner. It is a wonderful, light, consuming feeling we long for, and once found, we hope even expect it will forever remain. But there are times when that most precious love is revoked, and a hard scab forms over the empty hole. Though this scab is both healing and protective, it is the reason why validation from future love may not seep in so easily, no matter how wanting the heart. Validate my existence with your words and I will speak to you all the day long. Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. You don’t learn through sales calls, it’s not customer validation.
The most powerful and courageous heroes I know are those who bite their tongues when justification, validation, temptation, or vengeance would have them strike with somewhat truthful, hurtful words. As She ran straight into Leo’s open arms, unable to stop the tears from falling, feeling at last defended, like a single musical note that had finally found the symphony to which it belonged. When we accept the labels placed on us by ourselves and others, we then restrict and limit ourselves based on those labels. Engaging solely to validate your opinion takes away from the character building process Break free from them and reclaim your unlimited potential to be your amazing self. Whenever science attempts to legitimate itself, it is no longer scientific but narrative, appealing to an orienting myth that is not susceptible to scientific legitimation.
We’re all a beautiful, wonderful work in progress….Embrace the process!