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In Good Company By DL

If a man cannot understand the beauty of life, it is probably because life never understood the beauty in him.

If one’s different, one’s bound to be lonely. We live as we dream alone. If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company. The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved. I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom. When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.

A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers by only see a wisp of smoke. I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone. So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them. It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. Perhaps only people who are capable of real togetherness have that look of being alone in the universe. The others have a certain stickiness, they stick to the mass. Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better. Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is richness of self.

Music was and is my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. Let me tell you this if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. The only sadness’s that are dangerous and unhealthy are the ones that we carry around in public in order to drown them out with the noise; like diseases that are treated superficially and foolishly, they just withdraw and after a short interval break out again all the more terribly; and gather inside us and are life, are life that is unlived, rejected, lost, life that we can die of. If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way. I also believe that introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.

If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it an opportunity to get to know you, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but you for your happiness you will realize that a little loneliness goes a long way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful you. Be good and you will be lonesome.

My loneliness was born when men praised my talkative faults and blamed my silent virtues.


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