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By DL Banks

Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.

There’s a lot that’s been said about being a gentleman in modern society and what it takes to be thought of as one. Throughout history there have been many great gentlemen of style in fashion, politics, entertainment, grooming and philosophy, all of whom have had something to say about the traits of a gentleman. When boys unite hearts they become gentlemen.

I believe being a ‘gentleman’ goes well beyond holding the door for a girl and letting her go before you. It’s about being vulnerable for her. I think that when it comes to the way we treat women, it’s a good idea to look to the way Jesus treated women. He laid His life down for His bride, He sacrificed for her, He lowered Himself for her,
He was vulnerable for her. We must love women vulnerably in the same way that Jesus loved His bride vulnerably. Being a gentleman is far more than being caring and thoughtful, it’s about possessing sacrificial and vulnerable Christ-like characteristics. I don’t know if it’s possible to be a gentleman without knowing and representing the character of Jesus.

Being strong is having the wisdom when it is necessary. Being strong is to being gentle when it is most needed. Being strong is using flexibility when it is required. Being strong is about being there when it is a must for you to be there. Being strong is not really about being strong. Exactly. Since it is morally justifiable, I have only to consider the question of personal risk. Surely a gentleman should not lay much stress upon this, when a lady is in most desperate need of his help. She will change the world someday, her cure of love in a world gone mad; is the gentle kind of touch that will teach women to grow and men to rise.

If you have feelings for someone, let them know. It doesn’t matter if they can be in your life or not. Maybe, it is just enough for both of you to release the truth, so healing can occur. The opposite is true, as well. If you don’t have feelings for someone then never let another person suggest that you do. Protect your reputation and be responsible for the wrong information spread about you. Never allow anyone to live with a false belief or unfounded hope about you. An honorable person sets the record straight, so that person can move on with their life.

Great men speak secrets about themselves with nods and gestures, walking away from jokes about women rather than condemn the jokester; if with a woman, the turning of their head during a nude scene in a movie speaking volumes about their character without ever saying a word. It is a language foreign to women, but those that take the time to learn it find themselves knowing more about their man than by any other means. Swearing doesn’t make your argument valid; it just tells the other person you have lost your class and control.

If you have feelings for someone, let them know. It doesn’t matter if they can be in your life or not. Maybe, it is just enough for both of you to release the truth, so healing can occur. The opposite is true, as well. If you don’t have feelings for someone then never let another person suggest that you do. Protect your reputation and be responsible for the wrong information spread about you. Never allow anyone to live with a false belief or unfounded hope about you. An honorable person sets the record straight, so that person can move on with their life.

He’d spent his life being a perfect gentleman. He’d never been a flirt. He’d never been a rogue. He hated being the center of attention, but by God, he wanted to be the center of her attention. He wanted to do the wrong thing, the bad thing. He wanted to pull her into his arms and carry her to her bed. He wanted to peel every last inch of her clothing from her body, and then he wanted to worship her. He wanted to show her all the things he wasn’t sure he knew how to say.

A true gentleman is one that apologizes anyways, even though he has not offended a lady intentionally. He is in a class all of his own because he knows the value of a woman’s heart. Chivalry: It’s the little boy that kisses her hand, the young man who holds the door open for her, and the old man who tips his hat to her. None of it is a reflection of her, but a reflection of them. Lady’s Don’t ever stray from yourself, in order to be close to someone that doesn’t have the courtesy to remind you of your worth, or the integrity of a gentleman to walk you home.

When you find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stand in front of you when other’s cast stones, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who will hold your hand when your sick, who thinks your pretty without makeup, the one who turns to his friends and say, ‘that’s her’, the one that would bear your rejection because losing you means losing his will to live, who kisses you when you screw up, watches the stars and names one for you and will hold and rock that baby for hours so you can sleep…..you marry him all over again.

A confident woman doesn’t beg a man to stay, cry if they don’t or need to tear down other women to be loved. She knows her value. When the person she is meant to be with finds her, that person will know it also. He won’t be confused by it. He will fight for her because without her he feels incomplete. She will always be foremost in his mind above anyone else. She doesn’t have to scheme to keep or entice him. She is okay walking away from him because she doesn’t want to be seen as a choice or a woman that has some potential. She demands to be seen as “the one.” To settle for anything less than that is an admission of insecurity and lack of self love.

A gentleman holds her hand. A man pulls her hair. A soulmate will do both.


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