By: Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC,
Happily committed, but worried the chemistry will fade…
Long-term relationships can become stagnant after you have been with your partner for a lengthy period of time. The relationship has entered a nice and steady flow and both of you are feeling quite comfortable with each other. Even though everything seems great, you are worried about how to keep the spark alive for a lifetime.
But, there’s no need to doubt your connection, as all relationships go through their ebbs and flows while experiencing growth spurts. What is important is how to sustain intimacy in the relationship when you hit a lull in the connection.
Here Are 11 Ways To Consistently Keep The Spark Alive:
1.Greet Your Partner With A Kiss
Anytime you and your partner are away from each other the best way to reconnect is to give them a kiss when you see each other again. Showing your partner affection lets them know they were missed by you and keeps the relationship thriving.
2.Show Them You Appreciate Them
Verbally express through words of affirmation to let your partner know just how much you appreciate them. The more gratitude you show for your partner, the more they will have your back. Plus, it also reminds you of the exact reasons why you fell in love with them.
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3.Share Good News
The more you focus on your personal growth, the more the relationship is likely to grow. Sharing positive news with your partner about your ambitions and goals allows them to support and you and vice versa. While you may not grow at the exact same rate supporting each other keeps the lines of communication open and your relationship headed in the right direction.
4.Unplug From The World
Technology has taken over the world. In fact, most individuals struggle to go a few hours without looking at their phone. And, while it has its benefit the only way to truly connect with another is to disconnect electronically. Each partnership will be different, but you can try “no phones” during your dinner hour at home or on dates or even choose a designated bonding time that works for you. Being present with each other is what is key to long-lasting love.
5.Leave Behind Love Notes
If you leave the house for work before your partner wakes up, writing them a thoughtful message for them to wake up to lets your partner know just how much you love them. Or, maybe your partner travels work for work. Slipping unexpected notes in their luggage for them to find later will keep the fire burning during your time apart.
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Having a growth mindset and learning a new hobby together is a great bonding time for a couple. For starters, it gets you both outside of your normal routine or comfort zone which makes it exciting. And second, learning something new together strengthens your bond of growing together versus apart.
7.Understand Their Love Language
Understanding your partner is the key to connecting to their heart. And when you know their love language, it cultivates the relationship to the next level. Not sure if your partner likes acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, or quality time? Take the love language quiz here with your partner and find out.
8.Keep The Bedroom Passionate
Having sex regularly with your partner will keep you and your partner physically connected, as it’s one of the fundamentals of a healthy relationship. And, if you and your long-term partner are in a rut of the same thing over and over, then suggest having sex in a new location, pick up some lingerie, or better yet create a romantic atmosphere like it’s the first time you’re about to have sex. In other words, don’t be afraid to spice it up and try something new. Your partner will thank you.
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Teasing isn’t for everyone, so make sure your partner is on board. Avoid teasing about serious topics or your partner’s insecurities because it can be seen as cruel and may lead to an argument. When teasing your partner, make sure to keep it playful and flirty. A little fun tension keeps the chemistry alive.
10.Make Time For Date Night
Once a week, dedicate quality time alone with your partner. Dating lasts a lifetime in a relationship and fuels the connection, even if you have children. This also keeps your relationship from going stale and allows you to still get dressed up like it’s your first date. When you disconnect from the rest of the world, it enables you and your partner to keep the connection growing.
11.Take Space To Miss Them
Self-care is essential to your own personal health, but it also keeps your partner intrigued with you. Whether it’s a night out with your girlfriends or a vacation with the family, taking time for yourself allows your partner to miss you. If you are always available to your partner, this can be an invitation for them to take you for granted. A little distance makes the heart grow fonder.
The bottom line is don’t ever take your partner for granted. Healthy relationships grow where they are watered. And, even if you have been together for 5 months or 5 years, keeping the spark alive is important to deepen the relationship. Continue doing what you did in the beginning stages of dating and the relationship won’t fizzle out. A connection will constantly flourish when it is cared for with love and commitment.
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